March 19th, 2005
Impressions on a Bugged-Out Town
Here are some of my favourite things about the parallel universe called Montreal so far.
- The way French people jump back and forth between English and French like they’re trying to throw a smokescreen to eavesdroppers. Sometimes even mid-sentence. Yet to figure this shit out. Related Item: the fact that nobody remembers you are English even after you’ve talked to them twenty times.
- “Il fait frette osti!”
- The existence not only of the St. Hubert restaurant chain, but of imitators. Also, the fact that St. Hubert (“St. Hub”) sells an entire product line, which is much like McDonalds selling not only Big Mac Sauce in a jar at your local grocer, but McNugget BBQ Sauce, Filets-O-Fish w/ home breading kit, Burger Salt™, McGriddle pancake mix, and Orange Drink powder.
- An eerie dearth of average-looking people. If I didn’t know better I’d suspect the City of Montreal was halfway through some clandestine eugenics regime, meant to send the Joe and Jane Schmoes out to the suburbs, to Longeuil and Ste-Denis. The range of looks is between heart-stoppingly gorgeous and hideous gnomelike, with nothing in between.
- The way “Avenue des Pins” is pronounced “Pine”.
- The juxtaposition of those pink furry boots and the dribbly sticky brown snow in front of all the fashionista shops on Ste.Catherine, I mean how do they keep those fuzzy fluorescent things clean is what I’m saying, like do they take them off and vacuum them like a shag rug or what.
- Steamed hot dogs after midnight like it’s my medicine.
- I love how in Quebec customer service auto-answers say “Pour service en Francais, appuyez le numero 1, For service in English, press 9.” Nine! The number furthest from 1! To represent that The English are a world away! Then you press 9 and they answer the phone in French anyway.
- Another week, another festival. Any excuse to party. This week we’re celebrating, hang on, let me check the calendar….what the…lights? We’re celebrating lights? Downtown streets are cordoned off, traffic gated, to pay homage to frosted tungsten bulbs? Well, no, we’re not celebrating light, we’re celebrating the reflection of light off an iridescent glass of distilled alcohol mixed with a fruit drink of some kind. Here, let us raise a toast—to the glint of young thighs wrapped in black skirts, under the manic throb of a disco ball in a heated gazebo at Place-des-arts! To lights! Next week’s toast: to maple syrup!
- Mass alcoholism, problem gambling, voracious pornography consumptch, sordid parlours of sleaze everywhere, easily fifteen strip clubs within walking distance of my apartment, cab drivers with no insurance who drive like maniacs, nicotine stains, the patchy palsied lungs of an entire populace, sinking and rising in unison and hacking up a gumball of phlegm all at once, if the mood strikes. Just knowing that it’s all there, if I were to one day need it.
- The fact that people saunter down the street looking French and wearing a bunch of wild shit I don’t know about, even berets.
Posted to:
(7 comments)
just a note on linguistics and street names: in the 70s-80s following the PQ win and the coming of age of quebec nationalism, a mass campaign was undertaken to francicize street names (as well as rename streets). Those of us Anglos who grew up during that time have mushed things around a bit, as usual, taking some from here and some from there: Hence Pine Avenue officially became Avenue des Pins, St. Lawrence Blvd became St-Laurent, St Catherine Street Sainte-Catherine, etc. So old Anglo foggies will still use the old names, but young anglos (and francos) negotiate things in a more complicated manner. St. Laurent is NEVER St. Lawrence, but Pins is better as Pine. Cotes des Neiges has always been Cotes des Neiges, but if you are an anglo and call Fairmount Fair-mon (french prononciation), francos will think you are strange Рanalagously a muffin is always a muffin, not a MOUF-ain. NDG is NDG in english but Notre Dame de Grace in French (aka occasionally as Canada). Ave du Parc or Park Ave are interchangeable. Ditto Guy/Gee. Pie IX is ALWAYS Pee-neuf, never Pye-nine. Dorchester has become R̩n̩ Levesque, Mountain Street is now de la Montagne, Saint Urbain is tricky, either Sain-NUR-ban, or Saint-urBAIN. And Saint-Denny (english prononciation) is now Saint-Denis (in French). There are, of course many more to keep track of.
Very interesting to see the street names here in perpetual evolution, depending on the relative Anglo-ness of the city. I live on Rue du Fort, which I pronounce French-style “dooFORE”, but every Anglo I know calls it “Fort”. As an Ottawaian, I should point out that the mall called “St. Laurent” is often pronounced “Sal-Larrant”, which always irked me. See also “ull” versus “Hull”, “Or-LAY-ans” versus “ORE-leens”, etc.
Hugh, are you going to the YULblog thingy tonight?
Ew… people who say street names the French way sound like such Ontarian students studying at McGill trying to sound like natives! Why would anyone call Guy St. “Ghee” or Mountain “de la Mountagne”? And “du Parc”? Why, when we still have the Pine-Park Interchange?
Please… Sainllarrant is already poser-ish enough, never mind actually calling it “Saint Laurent”. And St. Antoine is Craig St. :-)
Buy:Petcam (Metacam) Oral Suspension.Synthroid.Zyban.Mega Hoodia.Retin-A.Actos.Accutane.Zovirax.Prednisolone.Valtrex.100% Pure Okinawan Coral Calcium.Arimidex.Prevacid.Lumigan.Nexium.Human Growth Hormone….
…
BUY FASHION. TOP BRANDS: GUCCI, DOLCE&GABBANA, BURBERRY, DIESEL, ICEBERG, ROBERTO CAVALLI, EMPORIO ARMANI, VERSACE…
… track backe bei http://kraigmccray.gamervoices.com/ ……
très bon , votre blog modèle est véritablement bon , Je suis chasse pour un nouveau thème pour mon moncler doudoune propre site Web , j’aime vôtre, maintenant Je vais à aller recherche le même thème !…
**YOUTUBE VIDEO REVIEWS ON THE HOTTEST ELECTRONICS OUT**…
#1 SITE FOR THE LATEST REVIEWS ON THE HOTTEST TECHNOLOGY HITTING THE MAINSTREAM!…